so what now?

Yes, I know, I’m one of the very fortunate ones.
Moira and I have both survived Covid (thus far!). No one in our immediate family has been struck down by the virus (although three of them tested positive and went through a fairly difficult time). None of our close friends has died as a result of the virus. As far as we know (but it’s obviously early days), none of our close friends or family members is suffering from ‘Long Covid’.
We have a house. We don’t have a mortgage. We have a loving family. We’re both retired, so don’t have any jobs worries. We’re not rich, but we have enough to enjoy our simple lifestyle. We’re relatively healthy (give or take the odd ailments of old age). We’ve had our first Covid vaccinations.
People will look us with envy… those struggling financially; those who don’t have a proper roof over their heads or who live in cramped accommodation; those juggling jobs with family life; those in abusive relationships and so on.
Although the past year has been very difficult for us, Moira and I have coped well. We’ve managed to establish various routines and ‘projects’ which have helped us through these uncertain times. We went into self-isolation (on 18 March) before the government introduced its lockdown#1 measures. Within the first few weeks, we had already ‘steeled ourselves’ to the prospect that the pandemic would continue to affect our lives well beyond the Autumn and resolved that we needed to focus on ‘getting through to March 2021’… which we did/which we have done.
Well done us!
So what now? Despite the fact that we’ve all started to focus on ‘roadmap’ dates issued by the government – which effectively (fingers firmly crossed) allows everyone to return to some form of ‘normality’ by the end of June (ie. in 3 months’ time) – I have to admit that I’m struggling somewhat. I’ve been so focussed on getting through until mid-March 2021 (ie. a whole year after the start of lockdown#1) that I’m really not sure where to go from here. Yes, I can’t wait to hug family members and friends again… to sit in a café again… to take bus and train journeys again… to enjoy chunky chips and a glass of red at the Watershed before nipping into the cinema… to spend a day watching ‘proper’ cricket… and all those other simple pleasures… and yet.
 
There’s a massive part of me that has been taken back by it all.
I think I’ve grown ‘old’ over the past year – both physically and psychologically. I really don’t want to drive any more (I’ll probably continue to use the CarClub – but only very occasionally). Frankly, I don’t want to gather with lots of other people… I will resist (with certain key exceptions ie. drawing-related!) the temptation to join committees, groups or organisations… opting out will become my default setting. I no longer have the desire or energy to do many of the things I took on in the past. I intend to keep my head firmly below the parapet.
This might all sound incredibly negative, but it’s not meant to be. I’m still enthusiastic about the things I enjoy doing and being part of (and the people)… and I still have a strong sense of optimism about the new, ‘unknown’ things that I’ll be exploring over the coming months and years.
So, the above represents something for me to reflect on (and perhaps change my mind about?)… I simply felt the need to write down my current thoughts (just for me).
Who knows, perhaps I’ll think differently in six months’ time? Perhaps this is just a reaction to the wide-ranging uncertainties we have all experienced over the past year?
Photo: The two ‘lockdown books’ – essentially just visual diaries - I produced covering the past 12 months.