Iris and Rosa used to come round for tea/supper on Mondays and Tuesdays and so 17 March 2020 represented quite a watershed moment. It was our last face-to-face mealtime together (mealtimes were always a time of much banter and laughter!) before Moira and I went into self-isolation/lockdown.
For how long would we need to be in lockdown? In due course, the government advised me (as someone who was classified as “clinically extremely vulnerable”) that this situation was likely to last until the end of June. A year on and that photograph STILL represents the last time we gathered together at mealtime.
Rather out of character for me, last March, I started writing a daily diary… and have continued to scribble stuff every day (usually inconsequential rubbish… with the VERY occasional reflective insights!). Looking back to that time, I recall several of the things Moira and I discussed. Like everyone else, we didn’t know what the future held… We were (and continue to be) hugely concerned for the well-being of our family (how would they cope financially/job-wise/health-wise etc?). The sad realisation that it might be several weeks or months (or even years?) before we would be able to hug our family and our friends again… and even the sobering fear that we might have already hugged them for the very last time? Who knew?
Everything was uncertain.
We hadn’t been here before.
One of the most significant things that Moira and I discussed was the awareness that it would be crucial that WE cared for EACH OTHER (in the fullest sense). That might sound a little trite, but it was something we both felt very strongly about. We needed to encourage one another; we needed to ensure that we got plenty of ‘fresh air’ and to walk regularly (we genuinely feared that, at some stage, the government might confine us to our house and garden); we needed to be gentle and kind to each other; we needed laughter and conversation.
Looking back over the last year (and I’m the first to acknowledge that huge uncertainties remain), I think Moira and I have coped really well. We both feel somewhat privileged – we had a roof over our heads; we had space around the house which meant we weren’t ‘in each other’s faces’ all the time; we were both retired – so no job worries; we remained pretty healthy (despite our ageing bodies!); and, crucially, we had each other.
We established various routines… and our chats over our daily morning coffee became really quite important. We’ve always been able to talk to each other freely, but I think we’ve talked to each other much more over the past year (in a good and encouraging way!).
Obviously, we’ve REALLY missed not being able to meet up with the rest of the family (it must be 15 months or so since we were last in Lancashire to see Alice, Dave, Mikes, Dan+Jemima) – although, with Ru, Stu, Iris+Rosa and Hannah, Felix+Ursa all living in Bristol, we have at least been able to see them occasionally in the front of the house or at the harbourside etc. Technology, of course, has been a crucially important substitute (despite its frustrations)… many of us had never even heard of ‘zoom’ before the pandemic!
I definitely feel as if we’ve ‘lost a year’ – our grandchildren are a year older in their young lives and we’ve effectively missed it. This may seem rather ridiculous, but Moira and I both agree that this year has seen us become ‘old’… which feels a little sad.
Given what has happened over the past twelve months, none of us quite knows what the future holds. Hopefully, the vaccine will provide some stability and ensure proper recovery. Perhaps, over the coming months, we’ll be able to ‘start planning’ again… arranging meet-ups with family and friends; enjoying simple pleasures of meeting up in cafés, restaurants, theatres, cinemas and sports stadiums; and even contemplating holidays!
But I also passionately hope that we do NOT return to ‘how things were before’.
I hope we’ve learnt to respect the environment.
I hope we’ve learnt to respect (and reward) the vast array of workers who undertake all the crucial, ‘small’ jobs that have proved so vital over these past months.
I hope that sufficient resources will be allocated by the government in the connection with mental health and welfare in general.
I hope that we’ve learnt NOT to accept a government who is prepared to ‘reward’ its friends and its financial-backers without accountability.
I hope that we’ve learnt the importance of kindness, respect and fairness.
Everything is still uncertain.
But perhaps there IS light at the end of tunnel?
Fingers crossed.
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