twenty-twenty/2020 vision?

A time for some reflection… (sorry):
Since the start of the first lockdown, I’ve been keeping a daily diary (just for me). I’ve also written a number of occasional ‘Reflections’ (again, just for me). Frankly, the diary is pretty boring (maybe it’ll improve with age?!), but some of the reflections make interesting reading (for me, at least)… and remind me of my feelings during the course of the past nine months or so.
It would take pages and pages to run through all of these thoughts and emotions (and, even so, I’ve included far more than I originally intended!), but here are just a few extracted snippets (the number of reflections has decreased over recent weeks – maybe just a sense that there was nothing new to say?):
1.  Huge uncertainty. Self-isolation. The need for us to establish routines. Importance of daily walks (18 March).
2.  We’ll cope; we’re very fortunate compared with so many others. Lots of lists. Thankful for doctors, nurses, NHS staff, food stores (including shelf-stackers!), people helping to maintain public utilities etc (19 March).

3.  Some people not taking warnings seriously. People ignoring what’s happening in Europe at this time. “Hopefully, when we emerge from this awful business, people will have changed… they will have a new respect for the simple joys of life, for others, for nature, for kindness, for civility, for generosity of spirit, a more equal society and the like… and that greed, ruthlessness, dishonesty, profit et al… will be things of the past” (22 March).

4.  For Moira and for me, self-isolation is inconvenient but manageable. No, we can’t go to shops, can’t meet up with family and friends, but we’re very fortunate to have a house of our own and to be retired and not needing to work. Lots of instances of great kindness being shown by lots of individuals and, certainly, the vast majority of people are being wonderfully generous and considerate. Of course, one also comes across instances of people behaving abominably and ignoring the isolation rules and meeting up in large groups (26 March).

5.  I find myself trying to recall the last time I hugged each family member… and realising that perhaps THAT would be the last time I was able to do so… and desperately wishing for a chance to hug them all ONE more time (I know)! In such a scenario, I have this rather beautiful vision of being able to use a magic wand to conjure up just a day in each of their individual company (completely unknown to them that this would the last time we’d meet up)… to do silly things; to laugh and joke; to recall particular memories; to walk along a beach together; to enjoy a meal together… and to tell them how much I love them (1 April). 

6.  Is there a heaven? Well, I actually do feel there is… but my heaven is much more the ‘heaven here on earth’ concept. Something about it being here, right now, and that it’s about our collective need to actually look for heaven… it’s here all the time and, perhaps for most of us, we just don’t ‘see it’ – we don’t appreciate all the beauty, creativity and humanity that surrounds us. Fundamentally, I think heaven is about kindness and helping others (5 April).

7.  I’ve noticed that some people have begun to make ‘wish lists’ of things they want to do as soon as the virus crisis comes to an end. It’s been illuminating. I haven’t noticed any of the ‘usual’ bucket list items appearing on people’s agendas (swimming with dolphins and suchlike)… they’re much more focussed on stuff that, in the past, we’ve perhaps taken for granted, such as: hugging family members; meeting up with friends (in a bar/café/restaurant); going to the cinema, theatre etc; visiting a special place you’ve always promised that you’d go to; walking along a beach; walking through a wood or a forest… you get the idea (10 April).

8.  I’ve developed a routine of ‘dawn walking’. Not every day, but perhaps three or four times a week. The only downside is that Moira ‘doesn’t do dawn’(!) and so these early morning walks just involve me… we try to walk together on other days (28 April).

9.  From this weekend, the government has changed the ‘lockdown’ rules. Some schools will re-open on Monday… The government has relaxed these rules despite the fact that some of its own scientific advisors have been warning about the risks of easing the rules too soon. Inevitably, there will be some, like me(!), who fear that many people will now stop taking notice of any government advice (don't get me started about Mr Cummings!). There's already a sense that many of the restrictions are being largely ignored by large numbers of the public (particularly 16-30 year-olds... and especially males it seems). Easing restrictions too soon and risking a second wave of infections would have devastating consequences (30 May). 

10.  Understandably, people are keen to return back to ‘normal’ life... The majority of the population are continuing to take a cautious approach to returning to ‘normality’ and many are indicating that they won’t be rushing back to frequenting pubs, restaurants, cinemas or taking public transport any time soon. The underlying fear, of course, is that people become blasé, fail to take the necessary precautions and a ‘second wave’ of the virus to return… and seeing photographs of crowds of drinkers in London’s Soho last night only underlines such fears… Of course, the wonders of modern technology have been hugely important during ‘lockdown’… one wonders how on earth we’d have all coped without it. But, clearly, the thing that we’ve both missing most is the simple pleasure of hugging our lovely family! (5 July).

11.  Staying alert? Staying confused? Being responsible? The government clearly hasn’t helped itself on any number of occasions. There have been times when ministers have contradicted each other in their own interpretations of policy. As one of my friends observed: “Let’s all be honest, any sense of doctrinal adherence to rules as described on gov.uk is advisory at best since Cummings-gate. It shouldn’t be, but it is”. I have a sense that some people feel that the ‘worst is over’; that we’re beginning to ‘come out on the other side’ (daily death rates have consistently been reducing over recent weeks, afterall); and that we can start relaxing the rules a little (on the other hand, the number of reported cases has escalated since the start of August)…There’s a sense of “we’re responsible people, we won’t take any real chances… but we do want our old lives back now”. The trouble is (but, hey, what do I know?!) that bending the rules is the start of a slippery slope… and, as we all know by now, the virus doesn’t play by ‘normal’ rules, so being ‘careful’ or ‘responsible’ isn’t really enough (24 August).

12.  Somewhat ridiculously, I’ve been keeping track of the daily coronavirus deaths. It obviously makes pretty depressing reading, but it’s also a reminder that at the start of April there were several days when the daily death toll exceeded 900. By the beginning of August, thankfully, these numbers had reduced hugely – often just to single figures. But, over the past few weeks, the number of daily coronavirus cases started to rise rapidly… and so, inevitably, have the number of deaths. Depressingly, fears of a second-wave, as we approach the winter months, has been exacerbated by shortcomings in the government’s testing system. Clearly, for the government (whose focus, perhaps, seems to have been more on protecting the economy than people?), with the prospect of a potential second-wave comes the increasing possibility of a national ‘lockdown’ (21 September).

13.  Mr Johnson made another of his television appearances to confirm that new Covid-19 measures were being introduced (in England) as a result of the recent rapid growth in the number of cases. Interesting to hear reaction of a leading scientist, Prof John Edmunds (head of the faculty of epidemiology and population health at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine) – who didn’t think the measures went anywhere near far enough and feared that, for the second time, the government would end up clamping down too late: “I suspect we will see very stringent measures coming in place throughout the UK at some point, but it will be too late again. We will have let the epidemic double and double and double again until we do take those measures. And then we’ll have the worst of both worlds, because then to slow the epidemic and bring it back down again, all the way down to somewhere close to where it is now or where it was in the summer will mean putting the brakes on the epidemic for a very long time, very hard - which is what we had to do in March because we didn’t react quick enough in March, and so I think that we haven’t learned from our mistake back then and we’re unfortunately about to repeat it” (23 September).

14.  The number of coronavirus cases and deaths have sharply increased over the past month - in fact, the current daily number of cases (some 20,000) is getting on for THREE times higher than the HIGHEST daily figures from March-September (just let that sink in). I really don’t envy ANY government in these challenging times but, thinking back to those early days back in March, when a virtual ‘lockdown’ was imposed on the entire country, people generally backed the restrictions and there was a strong sense of ‘unity in a time of crisis’. Since then, of course, the government has come under an enormous amount of criticism on a long list of matters: its slowness to react; the ill-judged/illegal actions of Dominique Cummings on his trip (or trips?) to Durham; the lack of appropriate equipment; the lack of an adequate regime for testing, tracing and isolating; issuing contracts to ‘friendly’ companies without competition; making up the rules on local lockdowns without consulting regional leaders and health authorities; universities and colleges (students/halls of residences/number of positive cases); all the mixed messages; and now ignoring the advice of its scientific advisors etc etc. You might recall that the prime minister unveiled a plan in July to return England to “normality” by Christmas… and he also indicated that it might “be possible to move away from the social distancing measures” by November. Well, it doesn’t seem to have quite worked out like that… and, of course, Mr Johnson will claim that the reason it hasn’t is all down to US… nothing to do with him! Meanwhile, consensus has disintegrated and there’s distinct sense of “they’re making things up as they go along”… and opinion polls indicate that the public has lost confidence in the government (17 October).

15.  I’m aware that my thoughts and experiences relating to Covid are likely to change over the coming months (in my head, I’m just trying to focus on ‘getting through to March’ – on the basis that this represents a year of living in this ‘lockdown world’)… This from the Guardian (27 October) seemed to sum up the thoughts of many: “Managing a second wave of Covid-19 in winter was always going to be a tougher proposition than imposing a blanket lockdown in March. There is mounting evidence of fatigue, confusion and resentment over localised restrictions. Frustration has been compounded by the sense that the government pays only lip service to the notion that ‘we are all in this together’” (27 October).

16.  Further reflections on Covid-19… One thing I’ve become increasingly aware of over recent days/weeks is a strange sense that we’re having to ‘tread water’ until the pandemic is either over or the vaccine becomes available… I’m also very conscious of missing out on a year of our grandchildren’s lives (at a time when they’re blossoming and developing so quickly) and, at the same time, us getting older (and time running out!?) feels like a double-whammy. With the number of UK cases (and deaths) on a sharp increase, it feels as if a second national lockdown might become inevitable…but when? An immediate 2-3 week ‘firebreak’?  A full national lockdown immediately after Christmas/New Year? (28 October).

17.  So, the first day of ‘Lockdown2’… People are obviously far more prepared than last time… shops are far more organised; people are aware of the social distancing rules; face-masks are everyone’s ‘fashion accessory’. But, for some individuals, there’s also a strong sense of “we’ve had enough of this… we don’t care anymore… and, anyway, the ‘rules’ keep being changed and we can’t keep up”. We always KNEW that, at some stage, the government would end up blaming the population at large for its inability to deal with the pandemic. So it came as absolutely no surprise when today Justice Minister Mr Buckland announced that it was all OUR fault! He remarkably managed to forget all those mixed messages the government had been pumping out for the past several months (‘stay home’/’go back to work’/’back to business’/’act fearlessly’/’world-beating test+trace’/’following the science’/‘turning a blind eye to the science’… and, of course, it was perfectly ok for certain ‘key’ individuals (like Mr Cummings) to ignore the rules. What a huge surprise… the second wave was nothing to do with the government. Professor Devi Sidhar (who, in my opinion, has talked an awful lot of sense over the past six months or so) seemed to sum up the thoughts of several health experts when she declared: “The UK government’s decision to delay a national lockdown in the hope that this would be easier on the economy defies reality: delaying action has led only to a longer, harsher lockdown. It can feel as though, confronted with this paradox and exhausted by the months of work that lie ahead, the governments is close to giving up without a clear plan or strategy for how to survive in a Covid-19 world” (5 November).  

And, of course, the above completely ignores ANY comment about the government’s rules for the Christmas ‘holiday period’ or the latest Tier arrangements…
Roll on the vaccine!!
Happy Happy Christmas and a Healthy New Year!